Firstly, you need to decide what kind of a relationship do you want to have with your surrogate. There is no right or wrong, but friendly or independent would be the right choice of words. It is important to give this question a thought, as, during the process, this can be one of the most important issues with the legalities involved.
Share experiences about the journey of the surrogacy:
Surrogates need to understand the helplessness of the parents, who do not have any control over the process. You need to keep them updated on the progress and growth of the baby. You should be comfortable to openly share your experiences with them and inform them of any discomfort.
As parents, you have to trust the surrogate with the process and make her feel comfortable. Lack of control may cause anxiety but you must take efforts to make sure everyone is on the same page on this beautiful journey.
Respect their personal space:
Most surrogates can have this issue with her intended parents, as the parent’s lack of experience can be overwhelming. As parents, one must understand that the surrogate’s body is her own and she alone has to go through the changes. She also has a personal life and you need to respect her personal space. Just because she chose to be your surrogate does not mean that she gave up her personal life. Don’t treat her like an employee but don’t get over inquisitive too, maintain a balance.
Create a schedule for contact:
To make sure that both the parties are comfortable with the amount of contact they have with each other, it is advisable to talk about it and make a schedule. This will reduce anxiety for the intended parents as to when will the surrogate contact them and it will help the surrogate to communicate as per her availability. The surrogates mindset regarding the surrogacy can be discussed at the initial stage while preparing the contract, this will help both parties to have a clear and open mind.
Consideration is a quality that a surrogate must have if she intends to have a happy and healthy life before, during and after the pregnancy. Even though the surrogate’s body is her own she has to empathize with the parents who likely have never experienced pregnancy and never will. You can be honest about your thoughts and opinions at the very beginning to avoid all confusion and miscommunication in the later stages.
As parents, treating the surrogate as you would want to be treated is essential. With clear expectations and boundaries, everyone’s privacy is guaranteed which results in a smooth relationship.
While it may seem to be difficult to bind each other in legalities, it is the best thing to do for the comfort and protection of both parties.